Thursday, February 4, 2016

No Longer Controlled By You

I read an article recently (go here), and it was a story about a young lady, only a few years younger than myself, who wrote an open letter to her verbally and mentally abusive ex-boyfriend. Any type of abuse is horrible, and no one should have to endure that in a relationship that's supposed to be loving, a relationship that's supposed to have mutual respect for both individuals in said relationship. This brave soul, who's also super adorable, has inspired me to write an open letter of my own. In past blog posts I've said that I'm no longer in a relationship, but now I'm ready to say why.

You never treated your mother very nicely, at all, and whenever you got into arguments with her I'd always feel uncomfortable and tried to go into another room to avoid hearing all the f-bombs you said to her.

You got so angry at me for not having enough money to pay for movie tickets and food that you punched your steering wheel repeatedly. This was our first date.

You were never really concerned whenever I had a panic attack and all you told me was to 'get it together' or something like that.

You would always complain to me that I never cleaned the apartment enough, so I always made it a point to tell you what I had cleaned that day when you got off work.

You didn't seem that worried when I had to go to the ER and when I got back to the apartment after being released, you asked one question and then continued playing your computer games.

You got annoyed with me when I asked you if you had watched porn even though you were in a relationship with me. So I never brought it up again.

You told me to my face multiple times that I was lazy and that I was a sheep instead of a shepherd.

You always got physically and scarily angry for the stupidest things. Losing a game on your kindle and you throw it on the floor. Dropping a plate full of eggs and you head butt the wall.

You would never let me sing in the car, or anywhere, so I just stayed quiet most of the time.

You always laughed when your pet duck bit me and left bruises or made me bleed.

You were a large part of why one of my treasured family vacations was such a wreck, and I was the other large part.

When I was home with my parents during a small weekend during the summer, my mom made me laugh really hard and I told her "Wow, I haven't laughed this much in a long time". And then I realized that you were the cause of my lack of laughter.

When I finally came to my senses and realized that you were a toxic thing that I needed to get out of my life, I asked my parents for help. We drove to your apartment and packed up everything I owned and I left you a break-up letter.

You called me a coward. But I felt empowered by my choices.

Without you I had a wonderful summer. I signed a lease for my own apartment. I had a great family vacation. I got a tattoo. I got highlights. I got my permit. I got my first car.

Without you I felt less stressful and I slept really good. I wasn't surrounded by a really smelly apartment. I did more photography. I had my birthday with people who actually cared.

Without you I felt more confident.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

And without him I got my beautiful girl back. So proud of you for thinking highly enough of yourself to get out.

Anonymous said...

You should be proud of yourself for taking control of your life.